Things I was Thinking as I Swept the Parking Lot

Scientists say that The Milky Way and Andromeda (aka M31) are going to collide…in four billion years. Now, for the bad part: those same scientists are planning to name the merged galaxy Milkdromeda. Over my dead body! I’m not going to live in a galaxy called Milkdromeda. Who gave them the right to name anything. I didn’t vote on it.

What is in a name? I don’t like silly ones. My feelings about silly names were probably formed during my childhood and relate to the names of our family pets. My family would not give our dogs sensible names like Raymond or Audrey. As a result memories still terrorize my dreams of searching the neighborhood for our runaway dogs, shouting, ‘Chocolate…Foxy…come home.’

I don’t like being required to recite silly slogans to get discounts either. I will not say ‘rooty tooty fresh and fruity’ for a discount, not even for a free breakfast. Forget about ‘biggy sizing’ it. I’ll take a large at full price.

I live in Fort Worth, TX right next to a small city named White Settlement. The name originated back in the wild west era when Fort Worth was a fort with cavalry and native Americans in the area who called the little outpost just west of the fort the white settlement. So, you see, no racial connotation. And yet, there was a movement not long ago to rename the little city because it might be perceived as racist. The referendum failed.

That reminds me of efforts to rename college and professional sports teams with more sensitive names, disallowing any that showed, or were perceived to show disrespect to native Americans. The Washington Redskins told the pc police where to go.

Now Mayor Bloomberg and the NY fat squad are stalking us, pinching our fat, making fun of the spare tire around the waist. New York City is actually planning to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I pity the poor soda-holics of NY. Apparently, they are deemed incapable of deciding for themselves whether to eat and drink healthfully or not. Remember when it used to be legal to make poor dietary choices.

I’m stopping for a giant Big Gulp on the way home tonight.

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